I’ve been trying very hard to live in the moment, which is not as easy as it sounds. But it is a goal which I think is worthy of my time, I’ve found myself being so bogged down by hurts and trauma of the past that I almost don’t know how to deal with the now. I think it keeps me just moving through live at a warp speed with breaks of inactivity that are mindless. But that isn’t how I want to live, nor is it how I think Betsy would want me to live.
I’m also trying to figure out how this affect my weight too, because I don’t believe that my emotions and weight are separate entities, but I do think that they are tied together. Right now, I’m feeling sadness over breaking up with a man I loved. I thought he loved me, maybe he does, but sometimes love isn’t enough. I am worth a lot, I’m generous, loving, smart, fun, interesting, and strong, but I can’t sustain everything on my own. I deserve someone who is able to be present in my life and I want that too. I realize that I make myself happy, another person enhances that, not causes that. But it’s still difficult to lose that love.
But the good thing is, you can always start over. A very dear friend suggested that perhaps life is like a bus ride, some people are on the ride for a long time, some for one stop. Maybe he had another journey to travel and we were supposed to be together for a short while. That could be, I do know that I control nothing, I’ve known that for some time. I don’t like it cause I’m an egoist, I like to think I can control things. But there is a Creator who controls everything. Doesn’t mean my ego has to like it. But I do have to live with it. And move on, always move on..but maybe not at warp speed..