So, I really wish I could talk to Betsy, she always gave such good advice to me, don’t know how she was so smart, sometimes I’d like to think it was from me, but I know better. So, I’ve been thinking long and hard about how I’ve been feeling about this man I really like and how I told him that I would like him to be more communicative with me and that I deserve that and not to just feel as if I’m chasing him and waiting for him to decide when he wants to see me…and how he said he was away seeing his grandfather who was ill..now that may be true, but I really did send the message because we met on a dating site and I’d received a message from someone and was going to check it and noticed that he was online. I suppose it doesn’t really matter, however, I’d sent him a text before and he never responded to me. He’d told me that he’d always respond, that it was just his way, I guess I got angry and hurt that he was checking out the web site, but didn’t have time to text me. So, I sent him the message about not just trying to chase after him and just being there for him because I felt sort of stupid that I thought maybe he was busy or working, and there he was, just choosing not to answer and on the dating web site. Now, maybe he was away and still doing that, but in the end, he was on there, I have been feeling terrible all day about asking to be treated like a normal human being, with respect and dignity instead of just being…a nothing..I’m still not really sure what it all means…I think I know what I’d tell my daughter. But we aren’t even at a point where we are saying we’re dating exclusively or anything..I do like him and am attracted to him, but I don’t want to be doing all the work either…nor do I want to just distrust someone due to my past issues…cause the truth of the matter is, I really don’t know what the truth is from his end and he has been nothing be polite, kind, and treated me very well…so just because I’d like more time from him and can’t have it now, doesn’t mean anything, does it??
Betsy would tell me I’m being crazy, I think…The rational part of me, says that I have enough things to do here at home, without worrying about spending too much time on worrying about someone else all the time..I need to worry about me, and then enjoy the time we have and see where things go. Unless I screwed it up..so, there it goes…up to the Creator…let it go as the song says…and as I’ve learned in Kabbalah…my ego is talking, worry about my friends, the ones I’ve let go of for too long…things will work out in the plan, I have no control..<3 <3 <3